There's a whole hospital drama in this article - gave me PTSD of attending my firstborn's birth - more traumatic for Helen but there was a moment I thought I was going to lose her.
I can only imagine… I’m quite glad it was actually me getting spliced and not doing the partner’s job of reams of paperwork while trying not to have a mental breakdown. I’m glad you didn’t, but I’m sure it made you react differently to Helen and hospitals after that 😔
Hospitals and surgeons in any country (imho) do things their way. They don't like ??s, think
they're gods, and we humble peons should live with it. I think your local friends have it right. Question authority. CDMX has the best medical in the country, but that also might make them bigger a&%holes. But you got your sweet baby and in the process, had time to think about things, and make some cerebral changes. That's a good thing, Nadine. And baby is with you now!! (and I love that pram).
Thank you! He has a very swish pram, lucky little one.
You’re probably right that it makes them even more obnoxious. There is certainly a level of condescension, and while they might know all the medical reasoning, healing is spiritual and emotional too. Pretending it’s only the science we study at school is narrow minded.
But yes, I have him and he’s well which is all that matters in the long run 🙏
That’s all that matters. But trust me, I’ve had a couple replacement parts, all very good now, but on my first one, my physical therapist told me about orthopedic surgeons (as her father had been one, and she knew the vibe). She said they’re usually jocks, former college football stars, attitude attitude, plus they had to be big bc you had to be able to move people around on the operating table. So strong. These beefy, often good looking doctors, were like demi-gods. And they ‘knew all’. But questioning authority, when it’s Our Bodies, a very good thing indeed. You did fine, Nadine. You were just put to the test, and learning the ropes. And pretty high stakes ones at that, but girl…you did it!!!!!
Not white lies, Nadine. They're "prettier stories."
This has been one of the hardest things to adjust to for me, aside from personal space infractions. (Apparently, I never had a right to the two-foot ring of space around me in the first place.)
But the pushback thing. I was just noticing how reluctant I am to constantly question, which often lands me in unhappy territory. I don't barter the price. I don't question plans. I don't question logic.
Usually, I tell myself that the Spanish required is beyond my skills. Buuut, that's just a prettier story I tell myself.
Meanwhile, I wonder how long it will take me to play the way the locals do.
Yes we had a limit to how many people could go in a lift, we were given little stickers on the floor to keep us 1m apart while waiting in line, I miss being able to tell people to get back on their sticker!
We actually visited CDMX in, I think, late 2020-ish. It was the tail-end of the panic, but still in the air... literally. So much was still closed, buy I remember the elevator circle-stickers now.
Nadine- You absolutely touched on something very real. There are moments when we must push for better explanations but there are also moments that call for acceptance. Hard to balance the two. Your story is so resonant. Thanks for sharing—
Some things are lighter left unknown” is a complicated sentence. Because sometimes not knowing protects us. And sometimes not knowing costs us. The difficult part is that we rarely know which one we’re choosing in the moment.
I also happen to think you deserve an award, Nadine.
It’s true that we can only live in the unknown happily for so long, isn’t it. Ultimately we’re not protecting ourselves as a species if we all turn a blind eye.
In the end, I did place a formal complaint because of several things at the hospital. It took me 3 months, but I thought it was the least I could do to protect the next person.
And I did get an award, it has the chubbiest cheeks 😬
I always dread dealing with healthcare in the U.S. It’s hard not to complain when you’re paying a small fortune for insurance and still have to fight your way through the system.
When I lived in NYC, I worked with this woman almost every day. She worked for a freight forwarding company we used. She was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer, and the treatments were making her sicker.
She eventually left her job and found a way to get treatment in Mexico. I spoke with her a few months ago, and she is doing incredibly well.
It really made me question so much about our healthcare system and the choices people are forced to make when they’re trying to get better.
This is such an important and incredibly courageous piece. And firstly no way at all in the middle of fucking labour for fucks sake can you even think of coherent questions. And afterwards the most you can do is curl up around your baby and repair.
In hindsight when we are strong and inside our woman’s body again it is tempting to second guess every decision - but you did super well.
I am going to read this again - I always do this! And I will be back. You are in my head now!
I do that too! I try to comment then go back and absorb more!
It really isn’t the moment to debate with medical staff, so I made sure to have a gyno I really trusted and then switch my brain off. I recently advised a friend to change her medical team, they’re pushing for things she’s against already and, even in her 36th week, to not have to be battling mid labour!
Awesome that you had a team to trust. Here in Aus it is just pot luck who is on that day. So different from when I had babies when we had our own doctor. And he attended whatever time of day or night. It is just too bad for women now. In aus you have midwives. My daughter was literally never seen by a doctor. Just a different midwife every visit.
And every country is different.
I had a nurse say to me once that we can’t have a plan for births best to make a birth MAP. With lots of side roads plotted out.🤣
A birth map is an excellent suggestion! We had one plan and once it has deviated from that at step 1 we had no plan B 🤣
Also, I had this choice because I went private, someone public would have had different experiences, both better and worse, but defined by space and staffing rather than how much they can gauge you and whether they actually apply the protocol that day. If it did it again I’d consider going public in England rather than private in Mexico 🤔
This is such a wonderful insight into aspects of child-birth and motherhood that rarely gets to be seen; especially this raw and honest. I was really moved by this piece. And the way you held the possibility that either asking the harder questions earlier or letting it go are equally viable ways you could have navigated the situation.
Maybe my favorite thing you've written yet? I think so.
I’m glad you enjoyed it so much because I had this sitting in my drafts and only decided to share it after your voice note this week. So give yourself a pat on the back 😉
Oh my goodness I have so much to say on this topic! Well, there’s actually 3 topics here
The whole vagina birth vs C-section conversation 🤯 (heads up I’m pro whatever keeps the mother and baby alive and healthy mentally and physically), the intercultural relationship conversation and the medical/health self advocacy. 🤦🏽♀️
And self advocacy is not a strong point of mine, which is why I have to reach the point of internal rage and externally not the best communication style before I speak up… working on it!
Would love to hear what came to you as you read this piece Sunny 🖋️
When I was pregnant with my first child, I too was naive in believing I could have a plan and it would go accordingly. But the more I read, and the more women I spoke to who’d actually been through childbirth, the more I started to wise up. So I “planned” for both I also hired a doula.
The thing that still, even 19 years later, ignites the embers of rage I still feel, is when I went to a pregnancy yoga class and told the instructor I was planning for both. She actually shamed me for it, in front of everyone. I picked up my gear and walked out.
Medical self advocacy: I was in a situation 10 years ago where I was really sick and no one could tell me what was wrong. I had so many tests, and was put on medication, or told to go on medication that had worse side effects than my actual symptoms. 3 years in to my suffering I eventually saw a naturopath/nutritionist recommended by friends, and it was her running the tests my doctors wouldn’t (not covered by Medicare) that pinpointed my actual issue. As a result, I got better.
It’s what I learned as a woman, regardless of what healthcare system I’m in. I will always push back, advocate for myself, and get a second opinion.
And for what it’s worth, the cultural piece is something I think about a lot. I married a Mexican and I’m preparing to move to Mexico.
I'm so glad you left her class! What a shocker! You were doing the right thing to plan for both. We did too, to a certain extent, but he arrived so early I hadn't really developed my "just in case" C-section plan well enough. I had, fortunately, told my gyno I didn't want my arms tied down, I would want an epidural whether C-section or vaginal, I wanted skin to skin and delayed cord cutting, and I wanted my partner to stay with him when I'm not. I got those things :)
How sad you had to go through all that to get the right tests. Our healthcare is shockingly limited, as though many doctors don't consider the whole picture. I have luckily had good experiences with holistic doctors here though, for example my post-partum hair loss has been treated with pills, supplements, and natural ointments. It feels like we're at least covering all the bases!
When you move here, I hope you enjoy the healthcare, ease of access to specialists, and reasonably affordable medication. All the best with that huge step!
There's a whole hospital drama in this article - gave me PTSD of attending my firstborn's birth - more traumatic for Helen but there was a moment I thought I was going to lose her.
I can only imagine… I’m quite glad it was actually me getting spliced and not doing the partner’s job of reams of paperwork while trying not to have a mental breakdown. I’m glad you didn’t, but I’m sure it made you react differently to Helen and hospitals after that 😔
I'm glad you are okay. Congratulations on being a mom!
Thank you! That's the part that matters :)
Hospitals and surgeons in any country (imho) do things their way. They don't like ??s, think
they're gods, and we humble peons should live with it. I think your local friends have it right. Question authority. CDMX has the best medical in the country, but that also might make them bigger a&%holes. But you got your sweet baby and in the process, had time to think about things, and make some cerebral changes. That's a good thing, Nadine. And baby is with you now!! (and I love that pram).
Thank you! He has a very swish pram, lucky little one.
You’re probably right that it makes them even more obnoxious. There is certainly a level of condescension, and while they might know all the medical reasoning, healing is spiritual and emotional too. Pretending it’s only the science we study at school is narrow minded.
But yes, I have him and he’s well which is all that matters in the long run 🙏
That’s all that matters. But trust me, I’ve had a couple replacement parts, all very good now, but on my first one, my physical therapist told me about orthopedic surgeons (as her father had been one, and she knew the vibe). She said they’re usually jocks, former college football stars, attitude attitude, plus they had to be big bc you had to be able to move people around on the operating table. So strong. These beefy, often good looking doctors, were like demi-gods. And they ‘knew all’. But questioning authority, when it’s Our Bodies, a very good thing indeed. You did fine, Nadine. You were just put to the test, and learning the ropes. And pretty high stakes ones at that, but girl…you did it!!!!!
Not white lies, Nadine. They're "prettier stories."
This has been one of the hardest things to adjust to for me, aside from personal space infractions. (Apparently, I never had a right to the two-foot ring of space around me in the first place.)
But the pushback thing. I was just noticing how reluctant I am to constantly question, which often lands me in unhappy territory. I don't barter the price. I don't question plans. I don't question logic.
Usually, I tell myself that the Spanish required is beyond my skills. Buuut, that's just a prettier story I tell myself.
Meanwhile, I wonder how long it will take me to play the way the locals do.
It’s a prettier story for now, short term pretty, like mascara in the rain.
I also want my 2 foot ring of space back! Covid rules were heaven 😷
Like mascara in the rain, grrrl. Yeah. I love it.
But, wait. You have COVID rules in CDMX? We just had suggestions here in the Caribe.
Yes we had a limit to how many people could go in a lift, we were given little stickers on the floor to keep us 1m apart while waiting in line, I miss being able to tell people to get back on their sticker!
We actually visited CDMX in, I think, late 2020-ish. It was the tail-end of the panic, but still in the air... literally. So much was still closed, buy I remember the elevator circle-stickers now.
I’m so glad I could revive that exciting memory for you 🤣 🛗
Nadine- You absolutely touched on something very real. There are moments when we must push for better explanations but there are also moments that call for acceptance. Hard to balance the two. Your story is so resonant. Thanks for sharing—
That’s so lovely of you to say, I was not sure if it was clear enough to share so your comment was so validating 🙏
Totally. Especially when it involves our loved ones, Nadine—✨🙏
Thank you so much!
Some things are lighter left unknown” is a complicated sentence. Because sometimes not knowing protects us. And sometimes not knowing costs us. The difficult part is that we rarely know which one we’re choosing in the moment.
I also happen to think you deserve an award, Nadine.
It’s true that we can only live in the unknown happily for so long, isn’t it. Ultimately we’re not protecting ourselves as a species if we all turn a blind eye.
In the end, I did place a formal complaint because of several things at the hospital. It took me 3 months, but I thought it was the least I could do to protect the next person.
And I did get an award, it has the chubbiest cheeks 😬
Good for you, Nadine!
I always dread dealing with healthcare in the U.S. It’s hard not to complain when you’re paying a small fortune for insurance and still have to fight your way through the system.
So happy for little L. What a win! ❤️❤️
Happy Thursday
It's like they think they're charging bargain basement prices... No wonder so many hop over the border to be treated here!
Happy Friday, Nadine.
When I lived in NYC, I worked with this woman almost every day. She worked for a freight forwarding company we used. She was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer, and the treatments were making her sicker.
She eventually left her job and found a way to get treatment in Mexico. I spoke with her a few months ago, and she is doing incredibly well.
It really made me question so much about our healthcare system and the choices people are forced to make when they’re trying to get better.
This is such an important and incredibly courageous piece. And firstly no way at all in the middle of fucking labour for fucks sake can you even think of coherent questions. And afterwards the most you can do is curl up around your baby and repair.
In hindsight when we are strong and inside our woman’s body again it is tempting to second guess every decision - but you did super well.
I am going to read this again - I always do this! And I will be back. You are in my head now!
I do that too! I try to comment then go back and absorb more!
It really isn’t the moment to debate with medical staff, so I made sure to have a gyno I really trusted and then switch my brain off. I recently advised a friend to change her medical team, they’re pushing for things she’s against already and, even in her 36th week, to not have to be battling mid labour!
Awesome that you had a team to trust. Here in Aus it is just pot luck who is on that day. So different from when I had babies when we had our own doctor. And he attended whatever time of day or night. It is just too bad for women now. In aus you have midwives. My daughter was literally never seen by a doctor. Just a different midwife every visit.
And every country is different.
I had a nurse say to me once that we can’t have a plan for births best to make a birth MAP. With lots of side roads plotted out.🤣
A birth map is an excellent suggestion! We had one plan and once it has deviated from that at step 1 we had no plan B 🤣
Also, I had this choice because I went private, someone public would have had different experiences, both better and worse, but defined by space and staffing rather than how much they can gauge you and whether they actually apply the protocol that day. If it did it again I’d consider going public in England rather than private in Mexico 🤔
This is such a wonderful insight into aspects of child-birth and motherhood that rarely gets to be seen; especially this raw and honest. I was really moved by this piece. And the way you held the possibility that either asking the harder questions earlier or letting it go are equally viable ways you could have navigated the situation.
Maybe my favorite thing you've written yet? I think so.
I’m glad you enjoyed it so much because I had this sitting in my drafts and only decided to share it after your voice note this week. So give yourself a pat on the back 😉
YAY! That makes me happy to hear. 🥳
Oh my goodness I have so much to say on this topic! Well, there’s actually 3 topics here
The whole vagina birth vs C-section conversation 🤯 (heads up I’m pro whatever keeps the mother and baby alive and healthy mentally and physically), the intercultural relationship conversation and the medical/health self advocacy. 🤦🏽♀️
I’m sorry, this was your experience.
Please say more! I’m pro the same.
And self advocacy is not a strong point of mine, which is why I have to reach the point of internal rage and externally not the best communication style before I speak up… working on it!
Would love to hear what came to you as you read this piece Sunny 🖋️
When I was pregnant with my first child, I too was naive in believing I could have a plan and it would go accordingly. But the more I read, and the more women I spoke to who’d actually been through childbirth, the more I started to wise up. So I “planned” for both I also hired a doula.
The thing that still, even 19 years later, ignites the embers of rage I still feel, is when I went to a pregnancy yoga class and told the instructor I was planning for both. She actually shamed me for it, in front of everyone. I picked up my gear and walked out.
Medical self advocacy: I was in a situation 10 years ago where I was really sick and no one could tell me what was wrong. I had so many tests, and was put on medication, or told to go on medication that had worse side effects than my actual symptoms. 3 years in to my suffering I eventually saw a naturopath/nutritionist recommended by friends, and it was her running the tests my doctors wouldn’t (not covered by Medicare) that pinpointed my actual issue. As a result, I got better.
It’s what I learned as a woman, regardless of what healthcare system I’m in. I will always push back, advocate for myself, and get a second opinion.
And for what it’s worth, the cultural piece is something I think about a lot. I married a Mexican and I’m preparing to move to Mexico.
I'm so glad you left her class! What a shocker! You were doing the right thing to plan for both. We did too, to a certain extent, but he arrived so early I hadn't really developed my "just in case" C-section plan well enough. I had, fortunately, told my gyno I didn't want my arms tied down, I would want an epidural whether C-section or vaginal, I wanted skin to skin and delayed cord cutting, and I wanted my partner to stay with him when I'm not. I got those things :)
How sad you had to go through all that to get the right tests. Our healthcare is shockingly limited, as though many doctors don't consider the whole picture. I have luckily had good experiences with holistic doctors here though, for example my post-partum hair loss has been treated with pills, supplements, and natural ointments. It feels like we're at least covering all the bases!
When you move here, I hope you enjoy the healthcare, ease of access to specialists, and reasonably affordable medication. All the best with that huge step!